Is it Lawful to Divorce Your Wife?
Mark 10:1-12
1 Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan. Again crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught them.
2 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”
3 “What did Moses command you?” he replied.
4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”
5 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. 6 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
10 When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. 11 He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”
Some issues don’t go away. Think about the question asked here for a minute. Jesus answers the question. Is the issue still a problem?
Or think about marriage from this perspective: What other relationship do you have where you make a covenant before God that you will treat one another in a certain way, and in which the terms are until death and the circumstances do not matter. Why is it that those terms need to be stated?
do you take your loved one to be your lawfully wedded spouse, from this day forward – to have and to hold, in good times and bad, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health; will you love, honor, and cherish them for as long as you both shall live?
Included in this definition of a spouse is all that the Bible has to say about the blessings and responsibilities of what it means to be married.
- Divorce Difficulties Aren’t New
- Two competing opinions (The situation in Jesus’ day)
- Any reason where you are displeased (As long as you give her a certificate that indicates that she may remarry.)
Typical example that you hear: If my wife burns my food. Ladies, what do you think of that standard? Who would come up with that standard? Why is it offensive?
- Marital unfaithfulness
Specifically sexual unfaithfulness, but the issue of intimacy and exclusivity is here. I choose you and no one else to make this commitment to. Have I abandoned that commitment?
Abandoning one’s spouse for another in secret. (or not)
Where do marital problems come from? Why do they exist? Marriage begins so hopefully right?!
- In the beginning there was blame
I find it fascinating that at the very beginning of the Bible we have a discussion and example of where marriage difficulties arise!
11 And God said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”
12 The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”
(think about this statement in the light of what Paul says) in I Corinthians 7: 32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided.
13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”
The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
Blaming the other person in a relationship is the beginning and the ongoing fuel for marital discord. People are sinful. People can be blamed. If you focus on things that are negative in your spouse, your heart and mind will move to the negative.
- Consequences of being sinful
Remember the purposes of marriage:
Genesis 2: But for Adam[f] no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[g] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
- The curse of sin in Genesis 3:
16 To the woman he said,
“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;
with painful labor you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”
- Sinful cultures
Multiple wives. Selfish relationship issues.
Different hormones.
An inability to understand and appreciate differences.
- Sinful friends
- Fig leaves, animal skins and the image of God.
In our story here, how does Jesus deal with the question of divorce?
- Jesus’ Answer Goes Beyond the Law
- Back to the purposes of creation
What are God’s purposes for marriage?
To find a suitable helper for each other.
- Companionship.
- True cooperation and love.
- Necessary relationship to demonstrate God’s true character.
- Continuation of the human race.
- Different roles are necessary.
- The Apostles exclamation!
Matthew 19: 10 The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
- The true nature of adultery
What are we being faithful to?
- We are faithful to God’s plans for people. We are required by God to act responsibly with our sexual drives. God made this aspect of love enjoyable, and people take the pleasure too far. Whether or not you are married, you must exercise self-control.
Love is not selfish.
- We are being faithful to marriage vows.
- We are being faithful to the concept of love and mutual support. In a loving marriage, we negotiate. We talk issues through and make decisions that are mutually beneficial. I did not say that we want to do that. It is interesting that we are called to mutual submission in Ephesians 5 that looks like the wife respecting her husband, and the husband loving the wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for us!
- If we are going to live well in God’s world, we are going to have to learn that love is not a feeling. And the source of love is not our feelings. Jesus call upon us to love our enemies and to do good to those who are not good to us. And He uses the love of God as our example of how we are to love. Where will we learn to love in this way?
- God joins married partners
To whom are we being faithful?
We think we are saying vows to each other. We are saying vows to God. I promised God that I would treat my wife in a certain manner and that I would be committed to that level of behavior until one of us dies.
This is helpful because we will fail to keep our vows perfectly. And so, when my wife does not keep her vows to me perfectly, I keep my vow to God and therefore to her.
And to be frank, I am not even sure what Carol vowed to me. I just know if I am happy or not. I am pretty sure I promised some stuff to her though. That is what I am focused on. I can’t imagine God asking me whether or not Carol kept her vows to me in judgement. Of what relevance is that to me?
III. Divorce Prevention
- Develop a thankful attitude
Complain to God, not to others.
Be thankful in private to your spouse, not on Facebook.
Trust God.
- Commit to develop a submissive attitude
God first.
Spouse second.
Build a life together. Make decisions together. Communicate about issues that are important to you. (Every decision better not be important!)
Realize that you are going to change over time. Grow together.
Invest in personal qualities that look like Jesus. Jesus is attractive. Jesus can be trusted. Jesus is willing to sacrifice.
- Maintain your responsibilities to God
Pray for your spouse.
Pray for your marriage.
Pray for the faith to follow Christ’s example of submission to God.
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